...Please be aware that the extent of my German in the exams at school, writing a sample letter for the imagined purposes of 'hiring home help', only goes as far as "Wir haben keine Kellar, wir kannst alles machen eine Kellar" which is very bad taste (and terrible grammar, an even greater crime in the language classroom). But in my defence was written many many years ago, before I even wrote Living Hell. In which more of my questionable approach to YA satirical literature can be found - especially considering I was a teenager myself at the time I wrote it. Wilkommen, Freunden! If I just called everybody Freudian, I do apologise. I should probably stick to writing what I know - particularly in a language that I know.
If I slip into the language of MS-DOS, please feel free to initiate a PC scan. Although this, of course, will only reassure you that the stuff it reveals was already there.
Anyway - this is me. Well, on a good day, or possibly night. Not currently the version of me sitting here typing, wearing a Tesco's Royal Wedding "Marry Me Instead!" t-shirt, eating Nik-Naks and wondering why my cup of tea is nearly cold already. Especially considering the temperature outdoors this afternoon. That's my real hair. Occasionally it tries to choke me in bed, if I don't tie it back. This is not as much fun as some people would believe. Particularly when there are no witnesses, and it gives you thoughts about being strangled by an invisible poltergeist.
I've recently taken up hula-hooping. This is definitely as much fun as anyone would believe! I hooped all the way through "Ultimate Santana" on the patio a couple of days ago, when I got my first custom hoop. Only the cat was annoyed, as it meant he couldn't get to his bowl without nearly being lasso'd, but he got over it. Pretty much as soon as the music stopped, the miaowing for food started.
...Also, according to my stats, and Google, this blog is a match for the search 'X-Rated Muppet Pics' :) Who's looking for x-rated Muppet pics? Shame on you! LMAO :)
But back to the subject. In the last month, I've edited and published three books onto Kindle - Living Hell (as mentioned), Death & The City: Book One, and Death & The City: Book Two. All three will be available in paperback from Amazon and Barnes&Noble in May 2011 as well. That's a grand total of 350,000 words proof-read and edited. My eyes are now squarer than the front of a Hummer. Hopefully, most of them can now be read by a sane person... I try not to discriminate against the mentally able - they have so much to give to society.
Also, exclusive to eBook format (because it's chuffing MASSIVE) is the 2-in-1-plus-1 "DEATH & THE CITY: HEAVY DUTY EDITION" which contains both books in the start of the Tales Of The Deathrunners series, and bonus material - the original feature film script "Heavy Duty" written in 1990. Later inspiring me to redevelop it as the background story of a character in a novel, leading to Death & The City.
I got the idea to include this version in Kindle format, after speaking to Jason Kingsley (Rebellion) at The London Book Fair last week. He was panelling a discussion on Transmedia, and the potential for eBooks to be more than the sum of their chapters, which has been explored by a few authors already. An eBook doesn't have to be just the electronic version of a print book anymore. The potential for reference books to have external material added is already huge. But the skill, in fiction, is going to be in holding the reader's attention to the end.
So you never know...
...Unless you try.